


Aunt Agatha vs Arsenic

by bwblack



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-09
Packaged: 2017-12-18 06:41:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/876773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bwblack/pseuds/bwblack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and John quibble about appropriate reading material for babies</p><p>Written for <a href="http://watsons-woes.livejournal.com/">Watson's Woes</a> JWP prompt #4 <a href="http://watsons-woes.livejournal.com/851728.html">alliteration</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Aunt Agatha vs Arsenic

"You haven't brought me my tea," Sherlock groused when John walked through the door of the flat. "I asked for it an hour ago."

"I was at Bartleby's Baby Bazaar an hour ago. Harry is quite keen on owning every product ever invented before _gotcha day_.

Sherlock smirked, "That is what serial kidnappers call the day they make their snatches, too." 

"Sherlock..."

"Did you buy a rattle?"

"Harry already has seven. How could a baby possibly ever need seven rattles?."

"I can't fathom why anybody would ever need one?"

"I'm no expert on babies, Sherlock."

"So what did you get?" Sherlock eyed shopping bag.

"Harry has half of Harrods. But, on the way home I ran across a used bookshop and..."

Sherlock lunged for the bag.

"I think I found something nice."

"Crimes of the Crimea?" Sherlock asked hopefully as he pulled out the title.

"I was shopping for the baby, Sherlock."

"Babies don't read, John...." 

"Ah, but this will help."

"Percival Primrose's Precious Primer?" Sherlock poked the book as if it might turn into something else. "What is it?"

"It is an alphabet book, the kind you use to teach kids their letters? It's the same one mum used with Harry and me. Harry will love it, if she remembers it...."

"But what do you do with it?"

"It is a book, Sherlock. You read it." John drew out each word as if he were speaking to a small, daft child.

"Aunt Agatha always ate apples," Sherlock read from the front page. "That's ridiculous!"

"Ridiculous how?"

"You don't have an aunt Agatha. You have an Aunt Eloise who collects miniature ceramic cats."

"It is a book, Sherlock, a work of fiction."

"For a baby?"

"To help them understand what sounds the letters make? Most readers are a bit boring: A is for apple, B is for Ball..." 

"But A _is_ for apple."

"Yes but..."

"It isn't a lie! It imparts true information. A baby's brain is empty, John. It is a blank canvass. You don't fill it up with asinine trivia about imaginary aunts?"

"So you'd have children learn only facts? No colour at all? They'd turn off, Sherlock. Lose interest!"

"You can make it as colourful as you like so long as it is true and useful information."

"Such as?"

"Arsenic _always_ adds an acrid aftertaste."

"What?"

"You should write that down for the baby. It's much better than that blather about Aunt Agatha."

"I don't think so."

"It teaches children about the A sound _and_ imparts important information, John. Arsenic _is_ bitter!"

"I don't think teaching children about poison is appropriate, Sherlock."

"Why not?"

"Because it's poison?"

"And?"

"And? And you don't teach children pithy little sayings about poison!"

"My mother taught me that.".

John gaped.

"She was very keen on poisons." Sherlock shrugged. "She often shared her observations with Mycroft and me."

"Really? You discussed poison over dinner?"

"Didn't you? Doesn't everybody?"

"No! Nobody does."

"This explains so much," Sherlock sighed.

"No kidding."

"Well, we should get to work then."

"We have a case?"

"We have a mission to better educate the babies of Britain."

"About poisons?"

"Obviously. Arsenic always adds an acrid aftertaste...B..barium? boron? benzene? Botulinum!" 

"Babies don't know words like acrid."

"You can explain it to them in the footnotes." 

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to do the book for this challenge but the formatting with pictures and fancy script was too tedious for a short term challenge. Still, contemplating doing it over the summer, though. I have 10 letters complete.


End file.
